Courage and Vulnerability - The Dynamic Duo
When I was a child, I had this slight obsession with Batman and Robin. I think it was that perfect compliment of the big, strong and mysterious Adam West in all his alpha glory paired with Robin, a young and slender sidekick, but a committed and passionate assistant to all the Batman adventures. Batman needed Robin, and it just worked. This appropriate team, Batman and Robin, were called “The Dynamic Duo”, and serve as a visual for the effective pairing of vulnerability and courage.
As a therapist and middle-aged human first, I have come to the realization that Courage is, in fact, the “it factor”. Courage represents anything and everything that stands in our way. “Living the Dream”, actually speaks to that. If we live out our dreams, we must have certainly mustered up enough courage, or, we are really good at smoke and mirrors with the general public. Even when the illusion of having “it” appears to others that we are ”living the dream” - our most intimate connections know we are not, and we know in our hearts the truth. To feel the truth can and does sting if it contradicts what we truly desire in our soul. That sting is actually vulnerability.
The Wizard of Oz beautifully portrays the journey of vulnerability, and how we search outside ourselves to fix this, hoping it is all so simple as finding gifts and presenting them to the Great Wizard. But then, The Wizard promises to grant the characters their wishes: Courage, Heart, Brain, ONLY IF they defeat the Wicked Witch. At the end of the journey in Oz, the Wizard is exposed as a small, elderly and meek man with a megaphone, not the feared and all-powerful leader they envisioned him to be.
Although the characters are disappointed to discover that the Wizard is a simple, powerless and far from magical man, they ultimately realize that they always had what they were seeking inside themselves - others could not take away their personal vulnerabilities. The journey and challenges of getting to The Wizard proved this.
Vulnerability makes me feel vulnerable, even as I type it here. We associate vulnerability with weakness, discomfort, defeat and, sometimes danger. We associate courage with triumph, will and determination. Courage has drive and bravado whereas vulnerability implies “sitting duck.” It’s important to remember: Courage is created out of overcoming vulnerability.
Getting clients to be more in touch with their vulnerabilities as a specific set of emotions - especially the not so pretty emotions such as fear which can be cleverly disguised by our egos as anger, insecurity, superiority, anxiety, resentment and sadness. If I have goals or want changes, I must develop the courage to push forward - in other words, I LOSE the caring that I might NOT succeed.
Tony Robbins lectures that we are motivated to change (courage) when the desired outcome is associated with greater positive rewards than not having changed. To me, this symbolizes “Rock Bottom” which can be applied to everything. Vulnerability can then, in fact, be our best friend and deserves an oversized, straw Welcome Mat at the front door to our souls.
Vulnerability + Courage = Self-Confidence
With courage firmly rooted in our minds as well as the conviction and will to follow through, we now can reap the rewards of self-confidence! Here’s the formula: vulnerability + courage = self-confidence. Here are some tricks to practice this independently:
Identify a goal and why it is important to you.
Identify all feelings associated with that goal.
Categorize all these feelings as “feels good” or “does not feel good”.
Categorize the time frame of those feelings: “transient”, “time-limited” or “on-going”.
If the outcome is still desirable, cognitively reframe the uncomfortable feelings - see these uncomfortable feelings or vulnerabilities as “growing pains”, repetitive emotional patterns from childhood, or your mind’s way of keeping you comfortably safe (and stuck).
The more you practice accepting feeling vulnerable, the less you will feel it as “uncomfortable”.
Once you start the momentum of moving towards positive change, you WILL get more skilled at this. The state of vulnerability becomes less intimidating because you have already tasted the success of letting courage see you through, regardless. The more we experience self-confidence and personal victory from this process, the more we want to create this feeling! Because, darn it, we did it and we can now do it again.
So get out your favorite shoes (loving some red ones), tap your heels together and say “There’s no life like mine”. Then have your very own Batman and Robin see it through. Courage.